Sunday, 23 November 2014

Can Love and Chauvinism Coexist?

In a society where relationships are formed on everything else first and "Compatibility" and "Respecting life outside of each other" comes at the bottom of the list (Sometimes, even not on the list), leave very little scope for love! A typical Indian marriage expects the woman to leave everything behind and start her life afresh with her husband! What is more surprising, this theory applies to both Arranged as well as Love marriages in India! The only difference being, the couple knows each other before they marry. There is a huge difference between knowing someone as a person and knowing someone as a cohabitant! When you know someone as a person, it is only limited to the side you witness with interactions. So knowing the personality, preferences, habits and so on, are only limited to the perspective of those interactions. When you live with the same person, the entire outlook changes! The "knowing" of that person goes deeper and adds too many facets which were never on the table before! This type of knowing actually helps understand the compatibility levels. And unfortunately in our love marriages, this is absent. In addition to that, when the expectation of leaving everything behind applies in this case as well, there is practically no difference between love or arranged marriages.

These dynamics affect only the strong, independent and ambitious women. They seldom or never find a partner who can understand and respect their choices. Our society is full of male chauvinistic people including women. The problem would not have been so hard to resolve if women too weren't a significant part of this chauvinistic club! Women in the form of mothers and sisters to the chauvinistic men in our society form a huge support system! They want a wife for their beloved son and brother who will "look after him". He needs attention, care and everything just in time because his role is important! What is worse, majority of women are willing to leave everything behind by being the "good wives" to make their men supposedly happy and follow the same treatment he has been given by his mother and sister before he got a wife! There's also this pseudo "Working Women" category which claims to work for passion and the so-called independence by earning enough to buy them their personal luxury (Not the family's) but depend on their men to run the household! This is best deal for all - Men egos are tremendously satisfied with having "working women" who are dependent on them as their wives; Wives can boast about how they manage the work-life balance so efficiently! Thus love and peace is restored in the world! I hope this is true, but I know it isn't!

On the contrary, real working women - who earn, work and contribute to their families as much as, or sometimes even more than men do, have real issues because they do not fit into either of these categories. It is very difficult for them to let go of what they have worked hard for so long! At the same time they know the importance of companionship. Such women are actually capable of loving in the purest form for they do not have any dependence on their partners, yet they want to be with them! But our society does not support this thought process! Until working women are seen as threats to men in professional world and until they are seen as bad wives in families, there is practically no hope for these women to find companionship which is an essential part of our lives! I hope this changes, but I know it won't, at least in the near future! 


Nilesh Gurav said...

Didn't agree..

Snigdha Shevade said...

It is perfectly fine to disagree on issues.
Just note that, disagreement and proving statistics otherwise are two different things. So unless you would be able to provide the other side statistics, your disagreement is emotional, not real!

I do share the same emotional disagreement in this post! :-)

Pranav said...

Hi Snigdha,

I came across this post over the internet. Nicely written and you have put forth whatever you wanted to wonderfully and clearly. I liked reading it all the way!! :)

To comment on your blog:
Consider an software which has many features and each feature has been designed to do a specific work. For example we provide a text box feature so that we can type in easily, the same software also has a dropdown feature which does not allow it to type....My point each feature has been designed to do a particular job...

I will say similar is with us humans....We all have been designed by almighty in such a manner that males can do a certain job far more better than woman and it is necessary for universal balance that we abide by it...

When minding their own business is achieved I am sure we all will automatically start respecting and loving each other for our partner's ability. Isn't it??


Snigdha Shevade said...

Dear Pranav,

Thanks for leaving your comments! And special thanks for the compliments!

Coming to your comment, honestly, I fail to see the relevance of universal balance you are talking about and chauvinism that I have spoken about in my post. The point I am trying to make here is much deeper and different than merely minding one's business, respecting and loving our partner's ability. All these things are given in a healthy companionship, so I am not at all contesting them!

Warm regards,
Snigdha Shevade

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