Post 25 years of age, most of my friends (married or unmarried) are dealing with "the turning point" in their respective lives. For some odd reason, its only to do with the "marriage" status or coping up with the same. I strongly feel that turning point is a continuous phenomenon, and not a one time thing! Turning points are of course at times of marriage, but the list is endless... For eg. turning points in careers, relationships (family, friends, colleagues etc.), health, education, and the list goes on...
As the first post of this year, I wish to share some of my observations and principles regarding the turning point that is currently a burning issue around me!! Please note that I am a full time working woman, so my perspective is limited to working women only. I have always lived by these principles and they have never let me down.
- Getting married or being in a relationship is a turning point for both involved. So there is no reason it should be a one sided affair. It is very necessary that your relationship is on a "one to one" level, literally. To be precise, in a healthy relationship there is no Secondary position!
- Respecting each others careers goes without saying. Your partner wont be able to put it in words, but your wholehearted support and interest in his career makes him respect you even more!
- Parents involvement is one of the greatest opportunities to strengthen your bonds. It is very crucial to establish that sense of security within each other and respective parents that, they are a part of your new life. Though the couple decisions are going to be the final word, including your parents in them will only add to the family happiness!
- Couples do need a set of common friends as much as they need their own set of friends. While you should have your independent time alone with your friends, making sure your partner has his time alone with his friends is also important.
- Your partner was big enough to choose you as his life partner. So he is big enough to take care of himself as well! It is not caring to keep on showering your partner with orders of what to do, how to behave, go to gym, drink or smoke less etc. all the time! This will only dilute the importance and seriousness of those crucial occasions when you really need your partner to do things only because you are saying so!
- Being possessive is not at all romantic, its simple pure insecurity which needs to be addressed on war footing. Getting attracted or interacting with an opposite sex doesn't mean cheating on you! Smothering each other will only destroy your comfort zone rendering you to go away from the transparency in your relationship.
- While the list of "compromises I have made" may crop up during arguments, there are honestly only 2-3 things in your life that you cannot compromise. Everything else becomes secondary and it helps to a very large extent towards making life together smooth and compatible.
- As you need to have something that you do just the two of you, there must be something in your routine that you do alone as well. It should be something which will establish your personal space! And share what you think or do or feel during this time with your partner. It makes your relationship that much closer!
- Do not forget that your life began from the time you were born, and not from when you got into a relationship. So your relationship or marriage is a part of your life and not the entire life. Keep a track of your dreams or plans or ambitions you have had since your childhood. Don't give them up just because you will share your life with someone, and make sure your partner does the same!
- And lastly, never deny your partner for sex! Making love cannot be a deal in any relationship ever. No reason what so ever is justified for denying your partner over this! Its like a knife that cuts and the wounds heal, but the scars remain forever. In stead focus on shedding all the inhibitions that you may have over sex. Your level of pleasure is indirectly proportional to your level of inhibitions!! Lesser the inhibitions, more the pleasure and better your sex life!
These were the best of suggestions I picked up from the doses all my well wishers gave me before I took the plunge into marriage hood. After penning them down here, I feel they are more like the 10 commandments of relationships! :-)