Sunday, 1 May 2011

Foundations of a great relationship




Traveling together is not only a great space to "catch up" on sharing the latest updates, but also a place where you can have extremely interesting uninterrupted discussions! It so happened on a recent trip with my Uncle, where we began with realizing that it was our very first journey together in so many years. And then we really don't remember how we reached to one of the most memorable discussions on "foundations of great relationships".

Stating one's relationships are strong or good is an absolute vague statement in itself. And most of the times we come across people who are rather over confident in saying so. But I am unsure how many of them can actually say the same thing after going through the following questions to themselves!
  1. Sharing - It's a two way road. It doesn't take you anywhere in a relationship if sharing is not from both the persons on an equal wave length and seriousness. Only one way sharing cannot confirm that the relationship is deep enough.
  2. Security - How much "me" space is given to the other person. This can be in 2 parts. One, that of between the two people concerned. Two, that of the other person's personal choices and preferences individually. And then the association of security to this is, in the form of, how this space is respected. For example, being possessive, insistence of being the "only one", not approving of someone else being more important in the other person's life and anything that falls in this category, simply manifests an in-secured relationship.
  3. Criticism - The ability, freedom and intention of criticism also defines the depth of a relationship. How well one can take the criticism and make critical comments without hurting the bond actually proves the strength of one's relationship.
  4. Comparison - Declaring that the relationship is "best" stops it from evolving further! It is not a constant phenomenon to tag it with a status. Relationships grow with age, experiences, crises and many variable elements per say. And further to it, comparing two relationships is insulting both independently as well as combined! Every relationship is unique to the people and only between the two of them! The only acceptable comparison of a relationship would be to compare its yesterday to its today!
That brings us to the fact that most of the times these questions result into confronting experiences to which most are averse to! But I feel those who can pass this through with genuine feeling of improvement, can actually reach a certain level of establishing special relationships! :-)

- Mumbai to Nashik (April 2011)

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