As parents, we are supposed to share our calm with our children when they are in an overwhelming chaos, not add to their chaos! Very often children are punished for simply being little versions of human beings. How quickly a child gets dismissed for having a meltdown and criticised for expressing what they feel, breaks my heart every single time I see a child go through it. "Shut up! Keep your voice down! That's nothing! Why are you behaving like a baby? You are creating a scene!"... It might sound outrageous when you read these sentences in a post, but you will be shocked how often children are shut down with such phrases, some are downright bad things to say even to an adult! What is worse, the tone, the attitude and the shaming that goes along with this is so bad, that you know for real, it can only have a bad impact on the kids at the receiving end. There is no version of this where the children would come on top of this as good people. What is certain though is that, emotionally damaged people groom emotionally damaged children into another generation of emotionally damaged parents, and this vicious cycle continues!
Any parent who doesn't do that, is by all means a parent who's doing the basics of parenting right! I am so proud of you for being different! I wish, your kind of parents were in majority! But unfortunately, it is not so! For those of you, who tend to do this, on behalf of your little ones, let me tell you, your children need you to listen to them with the intention of understanding and not disciplining! Just like when you see someone drowning, you save them from drowning, not teach them to swim! In that moment of complete meltdown, your children need you to share your calm with them and not reprimand them for having a meltdown. I promise you, they aren't doing anything on purpose. For all I know, the history behind their supposed bad behaviour will only break your heart. And if you do this because your parents did this to you, then my dear parent, it is high time you break this cycle, because clearly, its not working! The more you try to discipline your children to behave in this way, the more they misbehave, right? Right! (Sorry, but you know I am right!)
Children mirror what they see! So, when you find them being insufferable, they've seen someone closely (probably you) being insufferable! Very often you'll realise your complaints about your children are nothing but your behaviours that they are mirroring! It starts with you! You want meltdowns to disappear? Get a magic wand! Be realistic and deploy common sense! That's not happening, even you as adults have meltdowns. You want your children to regulate their meltdowns in better ways? Show them how it is done! Catch yourself when you have a meltdown and allow your kids to point out when you are having a meltdown. You'll be shocked how quickly your children will learn to regulate themselves and even you in constructive ways. Don't forget to thank your children later!
