Official goodbye to my twenties!

30th year is a sort of a cusp year between twenties and thirties! A year jam packed with too many moments of experiencing the grown up self, and others noticing it too! (Thank heavens for that!) Turning 31 years old, today, I am officially in my early thirties! I have heard, read and been told several times about the things one should accomplish or experience before they turn 30 years old. Even though I feel that there is no point putting an age band for experiences in general, while I was going back in time, I had a changed mind. I do feel there are a few experiences one should have before turning 30! At least, it is better if you do, because your capacity to bounce back is stronger than later on, stakes are low, and most importantly, possibilities of a 'next chance' are higher.

If I have to list out 10 experiences in these ten years of my twenties, they would be as follows. I would totally recommend one should experience a few of these in their twenties.

1. Dreams shattered! I experienced one of my dreams shatter down to bits when my post graduation program got called off at the last moment! Everything was set, I had literally seen myself living a life at the new campus. I am a total dreamer so much so that I start living a life even before it begins. It was shattered in a moment, that too right before I was set to leave. Why is this my first choice? Simply because, this incident gave me what I would have learnt no other way! I learnt that no incident can be the end of the world. You can always start afresh! Rock bottom means you have a clean slate already! I got to build everything right from scratch - my career, my relationships, the place I lived in, every other little thing. 
2. Investment in health! I have always had an exercise regime as a part of my routine. Fitness means on both levels - body and mind! Without any doubt, it has given me more than just fitness. You have to, as in, really have to have a fitness regime in your daily life. And no, walking for an hour doesn't count. You are in your twenties not seventies for calling an hour walk as an exercise! I have dedicated a lot of posts on fitness on my blog. For details you can read them here. 
3. Making friends who are elder than you. I have some friends who are my parents' age as well or a few even elder than them. Having friends from different age groups, especially elders, gives you a senior perspective well in advance. It helped me communicate across generations and understand inter-personal relationships on a very different level. The biggest advantage was, I could consciously observe what I should not do when I grow up to their ages, and also admire what I would want to be when I reach that age and later. 
4. Being self sufficient! If we discount odd jobs done in college, I have been working since I finished my graduation. Working immediately after graduation gave me a direction to choose my post graduation program. And I would totally recommend fresh graduates to do so. This introduces us to the real professional world and sorts out our imagination about our own professional inclinations. Nothing, literally nothing can justify you not being self sufficient. Your lifestyle and standard of living is your responsibility. It isn't about just paying your extra bills but it is about not being a 'dependent' to someone. Love, respect and happiness perishes when there is dependency. This is something I learnt by knowing people elder than me and seeing this to be true with my own eyes! 
5. In the fight between regret and guilt, always choose the latter! This is another thing I learned because of interacting with people much elder to me. Knowing people live with regrets has taught me that there is no way back if you regret a decision. Where as, if you are guilty of something, there are numerous ways to rectify it. No one can turn back time, but guilt allows you a second chance, regret is something you carry to your grave. 
6. Cooking. Now this is one thing I am fond of since my childhood. But even if you do not like cooking, it is still an important survival skill without gender bias, and, a big part of being self sufficient. I wish to share this as an accomplishment here, because I see more and more youngsters not giving it the importance it deserves. What is a must-have is being able to cook basic meals for oneself - simple breakfast, lunch and dinner. If I have to be a bit more idealistic, I'd say, along with the basic meals, one should have at least a few signature dishes that finish in a few moments of serving. 
7. Companionship. I fell in love with one of my friends. I am not at all suggesting one should only find a companion in a friend, but just sharing what happened with me. We have mutual understanding of "your life", "my life" and "our life". This exists and has been one of our winning formulas for staying together for more than ten years in spite of long distances. Our equation could be described close to "we don't need each other for anything, yet we want to be with each other!" The point I am trying to make here is that by 30 one should be able to go past superficial infatuations. Being in a meaningful relationship requires much more than what appears to be desirable. There's no point in trying to be happy with someone because it looks perfect, and forgetting about what matters in the long run.
8. Parenthood. We entered the world of parenthood and reached a point where our lives stood at 'before and after' from that very moment! This is one thing I would totally recommend if you ever wanted to be a parent - do not delay this decision! You are never going to be prepared to have kids, or settled enough to take care of an off spring or for that matter free enough to allot time to kids. Your health, career and everything that matters, will fall in place faster and more effectively, if you become a parent before you hit 30! They say, the first 5 years of your kid is the time he needs you the most. You don't need a fortune teller telling you to have these years as early as possible. I had my kid before I turned 30, and can say this with my own experience. 
9. Weekend routines. Working through the week and spending weekends outside is a common thing in twenties. I am not saying I never did that, but I had and still have a weekend routine that connects me with my home. Cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, changing bed sheets, etc. Untidy habitat is a clear manifestation of an untidy mind. It is as simple as that! 
10. What brings you home? Answering this question and making it possible at your home is one of the best feelings. If you don't know what brings you home and that which cannot be found anywhere else, you are lost. Just a little clarification, it involves you, not what is provided at home like ready food, living convenience, and the likes. For me it is my home desk where I write, my window place where I read, the kitchen where I cook, the living room where I host family and friends, and so many other things. When I am home, I am truly happy!

These are my ten things from my twenties. My gut feeling tells me these experiences will have an excellent impact on my thirties. Hopefully I'd be able to find another bunch of experiences worth mentioning in my next ten years! 

Bye bye my twenties! :-)

ये नज़दीकियाँ

ये नज़दीकियाँ

जमीन पर पाँव रहे ने नहीं देतें ,

शिकायत कैसे करें जब समय ही ये गुजारिश करें?

किन लफ़ज़ों मे कहें अपनी दिल की बातें ?

इस कश्मकश में ना गुजर जाएं सारी रातें।

ये नज़दीकियाँ

जो आखों से ना दिखें पर मन में नजर आएं,

जिसे कहकर नहीं, छूकर बताया जाएं।

नजदीक ना होकर भी करीब आजायें,

 जता ने से  नहीं जस्बातों से बंधा जाएं। 

ये नज़दीकियाँ

हर एक पल में जिंदगी भर दें,

खोए हुए को रास्ता दिखा दें,

सरे दुःखों को ख़ुशी में बदल दें,

दो दिलों को हमेशा के लिए मिला दें। 

ये नज़दीकियाँ, ये नज़दीकियाँ, ये नज़दीकियाँ।

Q&A

The trap is that, we are always in a rush to answer all the questions. Just imagine what happens if we question our answers instead?

Focus on answering means we are putting an end to go deeper. It means, we'd rather bask in the glory of having the last word than learn something we've never known before. Sometimes, it even means negotiating with oneself for avoiding confrontation! And worst, become the pseudo listeners who just wait for the questions to get over before they can begin their answers. It only puts us in false comfort zones!

Questions help us in looking at the same things differently every time! It encourages introspection and makes us better than our yesterday. Questioning your answers is the manifestation of your courage to confront head on! You listen thoroughly only when you ask questions! There is a possibility to cause change.

In my opinion, people seem to be more afraid of the answers and hence are averse to asking questions. Times like these should also be considered as a reminder to "We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality."

Baby on Board

Traveling with a kid and worried about how to pack up everything? No worries! Okay, honestly, worry a little, because there is a good news and a bad news! Lets get done with the bad news first. There is a lot, literally lot of packing to do. And here is the real bad news, if you forget even a single thing, it will leave you with quite a few panic stricken moments! Now the good news! I have a check list of things to ensure you pack everything! Rest assured it has everything as I travel almost every month with my child. He stays put weekend-to-weekend at his grand parents' place and I continue my work travel plans during the weekdays in between. I have been doing this since my kid was one month old. So trust me when I say I have everything on this list, I do have everything on the list.

Last minute packing (Say about 30 mins before you start the journey)

• Feed for the journey 
• Feed after the journey (I am always prepared with an extra feed, just in case the journey gets prolonged)
• Regular medicines
• Medicine measures and feeders
• Water bottle / Sipper 
• Potty/ Potty Seat
• Sterilizer (until feeding bottles are used) 

Journey packing (I suggest start packing the night before)

• Day out bag*
• Food kit*
• Bath kit*
• Grooming kit*
• Cleaning kit* (Laundry and utensils)
• Clothes kit*
• Sleeping kit*
• Car seat
• Selected few toys (preferably small in size)
• SOS Medicines + Medical File
• Pram (Optional)
• Camera (Optional)

* Day out Bag

• Diapers
• Wet wipes
• Diaper rash cream
• Dusting powder
• Diaper disposable bags
• Water bottle / Sipper
• Hand sanitizer
• One set of change over clothes
• One cuddler
• Feed
• Laundry bag 
• Favorite toys or books

* Food Kit

• Spoons
• Bowls
• Glass or Sipper
• Bibs & Napkins
• Multi purpose seat (only for babies under 8 months)
• Sterlizer (only if the baby is using bottles)

* Bath Kit

• Massage oil
• Massage mat
• Tooth brush
• Tooth Paste (Baby)
• Soap + Shampoo
• Eau de colon
• Towels sets
• Potty/ Potty seat

* Grooming kit

• Diaper rash cream
• Body lotion
• Moisturizer (Nevia)
• Antiseptic cream (Kailas jeevan)
• Nail Cutter
• Nose cleaner
• Hair brush
• Dusting powder

* Cleaning kit (Laundry and utensils)

• Bottle brush and scrub
• Utensil cleaner (better have your own)
• Detergent (If you use a different one for your baby)
• Dettol/ Savlon
• Tray to store your utensils

* Clothes Kit

• Home ware
• Party ware
• Warm ware
• Nappies/ UGs
• Diapers
• Socks
• Shoes/ Floaters

* Sleeping Kit

• Blankets
• Bed covers
• Cuddlers
• Quick Dry (Till your baby is not potty trained)
• Cushion (If your baby needs one)

Happy journey and a super peaceful mind! The feeling of being prepared and all set is indeed very good! 

Interdependence is a Virtue!

I  have spent too much time distinguishing between independence and interdependence. Spent more time in confusing between the two and further more time on justifying how independence was the winner. But fighting against something so profound and true is a lost battle even before it begins.

Almost 10 years back, while doing an exercise with my mentor on "Personal Values", we had this discussion. I still remember every little detail of that conversation! He had asked me to write down what I stand for. "Independence" happened to be among the top 3 choices on my list. With a curious smile my mentor asked me "Why independence?" I had a long list of reasons why I chose independence - how I want to be on my own, not dependent on anyone for anything, have a solid career, and a lot more. He was still smiling (That smile, so curious and yet so assuring!) He asked me "Are you mixing up Self Sufficiency with Independence? Why are you not choosing Interdependence? It is a real virtue you know?" I certainly had a moment of rethinking my choice, but then, gave up as I was in the justification mode! I said interdependence calls for dependence and I don't want that. His smile transformed into a little laugh and he said "I get your perspective, but try to find why interdependence is a virtue and independence is not!"

Since this conversation, I have experienced every bit of it to be true! Why interdependence doesn't mean you depend on someone, as I thought it would be when I justified against it. The first requirement for interdependence is being able to fly solo! Interdependence cannot flourish in the absence of self sufficiency! You have to be self sufficient in order to benefit the true effects of interdependence. It is not complementing, it is co-creating. It emphasizes that 'we' is better than 'me'. Only when you are truly self sufficient, you understand the efforts of another self sufficient person and this type of team works wonders! On the other hand, independence has no scope for accommodating someone else. It is isolation and indifference to everything else but oneself. Sometimes I feel realization is that one thing which causes enlightenment and embarrassment at the same time!

Now I know why his smile was so curious, and what he meant! Independence comes from arrogance and Interdependence comes from modesty. Modesty that stems from contributing to a greater cause and respecting someone else's contribution to that cause! Someone rightly said, a true mentor shows you where to look, but never shows you what to see! It was for me to find out that you achieve nothing doing everything alone, it is the other way round, you cannot grow without people around you!

p.s: Sorry Sir, it took me so long to understand what was hidden in your curious smile! 

Little joys of life!

Rush hours, back to back travels, year end pressures, ups and downs in performances, unexpected breakdowns, juggling family and work life, craving for that get away with your partner... Stop! I said to myself a few months back! This is always going to be like this and it is endless. More often than not, I do love it this way, that is the reason it has been working and fulfilling me for almost a decade now! But not accepting it is an overload sometimes, isn't going to stop it from being an overload sometimes! Since then I decided to stop finding time for a few things and just do them instead. Initially, I thought I was wasting time, but then, why kill yourself for a few moments spent randomly? Self criticism can sometimes hold you back a little too much! Honestly, doing these things have given me a great booster and raised my spirits instantly!

• Having "Our" time - My Partner, Kid and I! (This is one of my favorites and we do it every weekend!)
• Take a few photos or videos of my child and share it with his grand parents (I do it almost every week more because it makes the grand parents happy!)
• Snuggling up with my partner (We get to do this only on the weekends and try not to miss it!)
• Writing as a break between work (One of my frequent little joys!)
• Sleeping a little more than other days
• Pick up my child early from the day care and have"Our Time"
• Having bed tea with my partner
• Chatting with an old friend just out of the blue
• Walk my dog and talk to him
• Dress up for a party without the party
• Make myself something sweet and have it sitting in my window box
• Give away at least one item not in use from my home or wardrobe (I am a neat freak. Check my post on this over here!)
• Browsing for the destination of our next vacation (We plan to travel 2-3 times a year)
• Updating my list of "To buy" things from discounts (I buy only during discounts)
• Update my gym music playlist
• Download and sort the photos from phone and camera
• Visit the rarely viewed folders on my computer, sort them, revive a few things
• Read blogs or articles online

I do these things in no particular order and never more than one on the same day! In fact, the effects of doing one of these lasts for many days! What is more, they are not at all time consuming! Come to think of it, they are so little things but are incredibly joyful! No wonder you don't need money for little joys of life!

For the love of Local Food

In the last few months, a lot of people I know are traveling abroad for a vacation. This also follows suite the "big problem" - packing food supplies. In fact, that is exactly how I came to know that they are traveling soon and needed my advice on stocking up food. (Clearly a wrong choice to ask someone who lives on local food where ever I go!) They might be asking because I have visited the places on their itinerary. I am always amazed by the need to stock up on food while traveling for pleasure. I mean, isn't exploring a new place includes the local food as well? Since, my experience of people needing food stocks during travels are much more than people who rely on local food, I am dedicating this post on my love for "Local Food" and its benefits.

Health benefit of local food is that it is grown, cooked and consumed in the same region and climate. It is fresh, cooked with the recipes of that region (lets not forget, staple foods are tagged that way for a reason!) so naturally you digest them better. Someone once told me, "The only feeling better than emptying your filled bladder is emptying your bowels!" Jokes sometimes are hilariously true! Processed food, packed food, preservatives may satisfy your inhibition of trying new flavors, but they will ruin your pleasure when you'll be constipated or gassy or upset with food arrangements all the time! Honestly, if your reason of not wanting to try local food is uncertainty about the tastes, you are only fooling yourselves. Something which is passed on by generations together, plus treated as delicacy of that region has to be brilliant! It is only a matter of how you let your inhibitions rule your mind!

Financial benefit of local food is that it is cheaper than carrying food or eating at places where they serve non-local food. You may call such restaurants as "Exotic Cuisine" or something equally fancy, but when you get the bill, it does disturb your pockets! You'd rather spend that money on experiences pertaining to that place than on food! Personally, I always love to eat at the little local food outlets where you not only get delicious food at reasonable rates, but also get a hang of regular city life! It makes your stay that much more amalgamated.

Think about this, food is something that adds spice in your life (Pun intended!) Keeping mind games to mind can help you make your stay and experience totally worth it! We carry baggage, inhibitions and prejudices in so many areas, sometimes even unknown to us. At least, eliminate food from that list and be open for new experiences! Set your taste buds free! There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind! (How I wish I said that, thank you C. S. Lewis!)