Pregnancy Crises and my Coping Tricks

The making of a baby inside you and actually giving birth, is indeed an ennobling feeling. I have had the chance to experience it and have loved everything about it! In spite of that, I deliberately use "crises" in the title. With utmost honesty, I am sharing my reasons of pregnancy crises and what actually helped me cope up with it.

The life of both the parents changes for good, but the mother has to give up everything for a certain period of her life to encompass this new phase. The maternity leave doesn't begin with the birth, it begins from the time you declare "you are expecting". On Professional front - your organization starts excluding you from new developments. On Personal front - you start losing your hard earned body (Yes, I am a fitness freak! You can check my page on this topic here!), your food habits (luckily I didn't have to make much changes, but I have seen many struggle with this too!), your sex life (Only safe time is mid-trimester. Some couples have to give it up for all the months!) and lastly, your deep slumber (I am almost a year old mother, and I do not see myself sleeping well in the near future!) I would love to dedicate a different post on how I coped up with the professional front - I was able to work till the last day literally. After delivery, I was back within two months.

Coming back to Personal front, I constantly struggled with the thought of how I am going to balance my personal and professional lives?! What happens to the relationship with my partner and how we still manage "us" along with parenting and our already busy routines?! In all this, how am I going to even think about my own health and fitness?! There was no way I was going to give up on work - an essential part of what I am! At the same time, becoming a parent was my own decision, so everything that goes with it falls in my scope of coping up! Knowing that I am not alone in this, isn't always enough to actually find answers to these struggles! Here's what I did, it worked and I am happy! I am not going to deny the tremendous over burned working round the clock reality, but I definitely have more happy days and very rare frustrated days in a month! All the experienced parents would know, this means, it's already time for a celebration!

So here are a few of my major coping up mechanism.

1. Have a Support system. Family, friends and day care centers are instrumental! My family knew that I was going to be a working mother even before I decided to have a baby. I needed all their support to make it work. Day care centers are one of the biggest investments you give to yourself and the baby!
2. Accomplishing something is way too important than perfection at it. At one point, I realized, it is okay to be good at something and not fret over the inability to make it best! When you have a long list of "must dos" in a day, it is important to do them on that very day and not carry forward to the next day. In the pursuit of completing the "Must do" list, I eventually learnt that doing them is more important than how perfect you do them! 
3. Babies don't come with working manuals. Parenting is a state of bliss but it can be equally confusing. You have everyone telling you different ways of bringing up your child and it induces a lot of pressure (At least it did to me). While it is important to acknowledge what everyone is trying to preach, it's equally important to insist that its YOU (parents) who decide the upbringing of your child. Every child is unique and so are the parents raising one. So implement what suits you best and have your own research to try your own ways.
4. Disagreements do not mean disrespect. When you disagree on some points with the important people in your life, it surely causes deep guilt and tension within your relationships. Talk it out and convey that it is better to agree to disagree on somethings rather than attach emotions to it. Having different view points is individual and it's best understood that way. You can always try to bridge the gaps but expecting someone to completely surrender is actually disrespecting. I know it is difficult to convey sensitive issues, but it's better to start the communication channel than ruin one of the most pleasurable experiences for all!
5. There is more to your life than motherhood. This isn't a bold statement at all, it's reality even for the women who think having a child is the only best experience of their lives. Many don't accept it, I am just being bold enough to articulate it! So please, do not slow down under the pretext of parenting. Remember, you are the first example setters for your children and this is your time to take a call of what kind of example you want to be! 
6. Your condition determines the baby's condition. If you are happy, the baby is happy and vice versa. Do everything that makes YOU happy. I have had people yelling at me for not resting after delivery. But in my defense, I only focused on what was making me happy. I never really enjoy sleeping as a form of rest, not that I don't sleep when I really need it. But I'd rather sleep for sleep and not for "do nothing" sleep. I am happy when I am organizing closets, setting up rooms, cleaning difficult areas, writing, reading and anything that would call for an addition of something different! And that is exactly what I did while I was at home when the baby was sleeping. I even resumed work withing 2 months because that made me happy!
7. Your fitness will give you everything that it takes to multitask. Parenting in my opinion, is that one thing which will ensure you will multitask for the rest of your lives. On top of that, if you want to be a working mother, you really need to be faster than others at the same things to fit in every bit. I hit the gym as soon as I was one and half months postpartum. And given my genes of obesity, I had to struggle a lot to lose the mummy fat! I accepted the body shape that changed due to delivery will be forever, but I can still attain a good BMI and body to gain confidence of looking good. Once I lost the pregnancy weight, it was nice to fit back into my old clothes! It is absolutely possible to give yourself that time to bring back your fitness. If I can do it, everyone can! And bonus, it will help you sustain your schedules in a great way!
8. Do not forget "Us". Parenting is inexplicably time and energy consuming. Even if you are prepared for a lack of "us" time when you decided to have a baby, you should still have a time out for yourselves. Having babies does not mean end of your life as a couple! Go on couple dates or just a day all by your selves or if you can manage even mini vacations. Post delivery, you are expected to not have sex for the next 3 months. Lucky couples get to have sex mid trimester of pregnancy. But many couples have to go off sex for a year! And bringing your sex life back on track needs that time and attention. Something as instinctive as sex needs to be given that importance in order to experience its brilliant effects on your happiness quotient. 

हमसाथी

ना जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं?

याद तो बस इतना है की हम साथ हैं| 

तुम्हारे हाथोंका मेरे हाथोंसे टकराना 

हलकेसे हमारी उँगलिओंका उलझना 

वो सारी अनकहीं बातें समझना 

एकदूजेके होने का एहेसास होना

ना जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

याद तो बस इतना है की हम साथ हैं| 

दबी दबी  सांसोंका रोकना 

आहिस्ता होटोंसे टोकना 

हर एक पल को दिल से छूना 

एकदूजे में मदहोशिसे खो जाना 

क्यों जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

जब हम साथ है तो जिंदगी मुस्कुराती है| 

हम साथ हैं तो पतझड़ में  बहार आती है 

हम साथ है तो धरती पे सारें रंग सजतें हैं 

हम साथ हैं तो सुर संगीत गातें हैं 

हम साथ है तो मौसम गुनगुनाता है 

क्यों जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

जब हम साथ है तो जिंदगी मुस्कुराती है| 

Can Love and Chauvinism Coexist?

In a society where relationships are formed on everything else first and "Compatibility" and "Respecting life outside of each other" comes at the bottom of the list (Sometimes, even not on the list), leave very little scope for love! A typical Indian marriage expects the woman to leave everything behind and start her life afresh with her husband! What is more surprising, this theory applies to both Arranged as well as Love marriages in India! The only difference being, the couple knows each other before they marry. There is a huge difference between knowing someone as a person and knowing someone as a cohabitant! When you know someone as a person, it is only limited to the side you witness with interactions. So knowing the personality, preferences, habits and so on, are only limited to the perspective of those interactions. When you live with the same person, the entire outlook changes! The "knowing" of that person goes deeper and adds too many facets which were never on the table before! This type of knowing actually helps understand the compatibility levels. And unfortunately in our love marriages, this is absent. In addition to that, when the expectation of leaving everything behind applies in this case as well, there is practically no difference between love or arranged marriages.

These dynamics affect only the strong, independent and ambitious women. They seldom or never find a partner who can understand and respect their choices. Our society is full of male chauvinistic people including women. The problem would not have been so hard to resolve if women too weren't a significant part of this chauvinistic club! Women in the form of mothers and sisters to the chauvinistic men in our society form a huge support system! They want a wife for their beloved son and brother who will "look after him". He needs attention, care and everything just in time because his role is important! What is worse, majority of women are willing to leave everything behind by being the "good wives" to make their men supposedly happy and follow the same treatment he has been given by his mother and sister before he got a wife! There's also this pseudo "Working Women" category which claims to work for passion and the so-called independence by earning enough to buy them their personal luxury (Not the family's) but depend on their men to run the household! This is best deal for all - Men egos are tremendously satisfied with having "working women" who are dependent on them as their wives; Wives can boast about how they manage the work-life balance so efficiently! Thus love and peace is restored in the world! I hope this is true, but I know it isn't!

On the contrary, real working women - who earn, work and contribute to their families as much as, or sometimes even more than men do, have real issues because they do not fit into either of these categories. It is very difficult for them to let go of what they have worked hard for so long! At the same time they know the importance of companionship. Such women are actually capable of loving in the purest form for they do not have any dependence on their partners, yet they want to be with them! But our society does not support this thought process! Until working women are seen as threats to men in professional world and until they are seen as bad wives in families, there is practically no hope for these women to find companionship which is an essential part of our lives! I hope this changes, but I know it won't, at least in the near future! 

Self Proclaimed Free Advisers

There exists a unique species of "Self-Proclaimed-Free-Advisers" in this world. You keep meeting different types of these species in different phases of your life! There are Education and Career SPFA, then there are Fitness SPFA, not to forget the Relationship SPFA and certainly Parenthood SPFA. These are the ones I have seen more often, I am sure there would be more. This service provided really has nothing to do with their abilities or success stories in the respective free advice topics!  But if you are born lucky (I certainly do not believe that there is such a thing!), only then you will not encounter such people! So chances are very high that you might have already met them! If not, you will meet them in the near future for sure!

After a lot of frustrations and annoyance regarding this species (Oh! Did I forget to mention that there is a huge element of "Judgments and Prejudices" when these people start talking?), I have found out a way to make it more productive for you! First thing is to just listen than try telling them other perspectives. Second - if it is going to help you in even in a little way, register that and ignore the rest. If not, well ignore all of it! Consider it as a "patience testing" exercise! It works really, I have tried it!

So the next time you come across any SPFA, here's what you can do -

1. Smile all the time while you are listening! (It costs you nothing! Now-a-days, people really smile like it's a perishable good and needs to be used only during emergency!)
2. Relate what can be helpful and register, ignore the rest! (To help you ease the latter process say this phrase in your mind - "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!")
3. After the lecture is over, just say "Thanks for informing me this, I will definitely think about it!". And that's it. Nothing more! It is tough, but trust me, NOTHING MORE!!!
4. Find an immediate excuse to move away! 

You will feel the steam blowing off your head, once you are away from that person! The feeling of not having to see him/ her for another lecture anytime soon is so energizing!! And thus, peace of mind is restored!

Photogradzila!

"A picture is worth a thousand words!" - Napoleon Bonaparte! A beautiful phrase dated at least two centuries ago, describes a picture best even today! Back then, there were only artists who were responsible for capturing those special thousand words! The introduction of camera happened only in the 1800s. Using a camera was a rarity until the digital cameras came in the late 1900s. Even before the 'digi-cams' became popular, phones with built in cameras were introduced. And with the introduction of "Smart Phones", the entire concept of "Photography" has reached a point that requires an alteration.

Photography was once a skill mastered by only a few! They were glamorous highly paid artists pertaining to only a few fields like press or royal families coverage! These artists were only afforded by the rich class and in those times, owning a camera was a social prestige issue. Today its exactly the opposite. There is at least one self proclaimed photographer in every home! The cameras and softwares make the reasoning of "why a good picture is good" absolutely redundant. And what is more sad, is that, the drive for deep understanding of a subject before throwing lectures and theories seems to be dead!

In this way the massive use of cameras has rendered our lives with a humongous number of photos! We click and just look at them once or twice at the most. Later when our gadgets memories need to be emptied, we get rid of them on our computers. If you are one of the organized person, you will make an effort to sort them, but mostly will have forgotten the context of those photos. And if you do recall, you are definitely late in printing or uploading them! If you are not an organized person, you will simply erase them when your computer memory becomes full. All this put together, the actual life of photos today is not more than five minutes! Of course you do increase the life of a few photos by uploading them on social networking sites, but honestly, that is a different topic altogether! Lets keep it for a different post and not digress.

Photography is turning into some shallow hobby of people who can spend on expensive gadgets. Photos are becoming the means to show off rather than the means to record special memories. And photography as a subject seems to be a topic anyone can talk for days on end! Its hard to find someone accepting that they have limited or no knowledge of photography now a days. If not anyone else, I am sure the photos would definitely tell "please learn photography first" from those thousand words!

How do you take your Coffee?

There is practically no one who can say, "I have never been disappointed with my hot stimulant!" You can only eventually reach that perfect match! (Disclaimer - no pun intended!)

How many times have you ordered the wrong coffee because you didn't know how it's made?? Or worse, how many times you went wrong in making that perfect cup of coffee you loved at your favorite coffee shop??

Thanks to a promotion by 'Kitchenware Superstore' you can pick your perfect cuppa!! They have given the basic types of coffees, how they are made and thankfully how they are spelled. 

It's not only a good marketing gimmick, but a very needed educative literature on Coffee! Ever since Chain of Big Coffee Outlets have become popular in Indian cities, people find something terribly glamours about it. It's incomprehensible how people can talk so much over a drink they can't even spell right! Hearing an "EXpresso" or "Cafe ou Late" is so very nerve shattering that you might as well take alcohol to recover!

Do try out your perfect one and let me know how you take your coffee!! 

Doctor's Curse

Doctors have a very predictable response mechanism! As per their preference the chronology may differ, but by and large this trio features in every visit. Pediatricians blow these out of proportion and Homeopathy doctors are exact opposite!

1. Be brief! (Hello, I am not even half way through my description!)
2. Don't be so worried! (I am not worried, I want to know if I need to worry!)
3. Stop panicking! This happens when you have ---. (How would I know? You are the doctor not me! At least tell me the list of symptoms and then ask me not to panic!)

The list goes on digressing to your personality, to life style, to your profession and what not... Honestly, before you begin to lose it, I would suggest bring your focus back on the reason you visited the doctor. 

Experience is the best teacher and given my history with doctors, I consider myself to have enough first hand experiences to derive this theory! (This happens when you have inherited chronic diseases.) Doctors seem to be averse toward soft skills. Their ability to diagnose is inversely proportional to their way of communication. Better diagnosis has to come with utter ruthlessness! So if you see yourself getting annoyed at the way a doctor is responding, have patience, he is probably the best one you could ask for! It is better to bare this in mind while visiting doctors in India!