हमसाथी

ना जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं?

याद तो बस इतना है की हम साथ हैं| 

तुम्हारे हाथोंका मेरे हाथोंसे टकराना 

हलकेसे हमारी उँगलिओंका उलझना 

वो सारी अनकहीं बातें समझना 

एकदूजेके होने का एहेसास होना

ना जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

याद तो बस इतना है की हम साथ हैं| 

दबी दबी  सांसोंका रोकना 

आहिस्ता होटोंसे टोकना 

हर एक पल को दिल से छूना 

एकदूजे में मदहोशिसे खो जाना 

क्यों जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

जब हम साथ है तो जिंदगी मुस्कुराती है| 

हम साथ हैं तो पतझड़ में  बहार आती है 

हम साथ है तो धरती पे सारें रंग सजतें हैं 

हम साथ हैं तो सुर संगीत गातें हैं 

हम साथ है तो मौसम गुनगुनाता है 

क्यों जाने हम कहाँ आए हैं? 

जब हम साथ है तो जिंदगी मुस्कुराती है| 

Can Love and Chauvinism Coexist?

In a society where relationships are formed on everything else first and "Compatibility" and "Respecting life outside of each other" comes at the bottom of the list (Sometimes, even not on the list), leave very little scope for love! A typical Indian marriage expects the woman to leave everything behind and start her life afresh with her husband! What is more surprising, this theory applies to both Arranged as well as Love marriages in India! The only difference being, the couple knows each other before they marry. There is a huge difference between knowing someone as a person and knowing someone as a cohabitant! When you know someone as a person, it is only limited to the side you witness with interactions. So knowing the personality, preferences, habits and so on, are only limited to the perspective of those interactions. When you live with the same person, the entire outlook changes! The "knowing" of that person goes deeper and adds too many facets which were never on the table before! This type of knowing actually helps understand the compatibility levels. And unfortunately in our love marriages, this is absent. In addition to that, when the expectation of leaving everything behind applies in this case as well, there is practically no difference between love or arranged marriages.

These dynamics affect only the strong, independent and ambitious women. They seldom or never find a partner who can understand and respect their choices. Our society is full of male chauvinistic people including women. The problem would not have been so hard to resolve if women too weren't a significant part of this chauvinistic club! Women in the form of mothers and sisters to the chauvinistic men in our society form a huge support system! They want a wife for their beloved son and brother who will "look after him". He needs attention, care and everything just in time because his role is important! What is worse, majority of women are willing to leave everything behind by being the "good wives" to make their men supposedly happy and follow the same treatment he has been given by his mother and sister before he got a wife! There's also this pseudo "Working Women" category which claims to work for passion and the so-called independence by earning enough to buy them their personal luxury (Not the family's) but depend on their men to run the household! This is best deal for all - Men egos are tremendously satisfied with having "working women" who are dependent on them as their wives; Wives can boast about how they manage the work-life balance so efficiently! Thus love and peace is restored in the world! I hope this is true, but I know it isn't!

On the contrary, real working women - who earn, work and contribute to their families as much as, or sometimes even more than men do, have real issues because they do not fit into either of these categories. It is very difficult for them to let go of what they have worked hard for so long! At the same time they know the importance of companionship. Such women are actually capable of loving in the purest form for they do not have any dependence on their partners, yet they want to be with them! But our society does not support this thought process! Until working women are seen as threats to men in professional world and until they are seen as bad wives in families, there is practically no hope for these women to find companionship which is an essential part of our lives! I hope this changes, but I know it won't, at least in the near future! 

Self Proclaimed Free Advisers

There exists a unique species of "Self-Proclaimed-Free-Advisers" in this world. You keep meeting different types of these species in different phases of your life! There are Education and Career SPFA, then there are Fitness SPFA, not to forget the Relationship SPFA and certainly Parenthood SPFA. These are the ones I have seen more often, I am sure there would be more. This service provided really has nothing to do with their abilities or success stories in the respective free advice topics!  But if you are born lucky (I certainly do not believe that there is such a thing!), only then you will not encounter such people! So chances are very high that you might have already met them! If not, you will meet them in the near future for sure!

After a lot of frustrations and annoyance regarding this species (Oh! Did I forget to mention that there is a huge element of "Judgments and Prejudices" when these people start talking?), I have found out a way to make it more productive for you! First thing is to just listen than try telling them other perspectives. Second - if it is going to help you in even in a little way, register that and ignore the rest. If not, well ignore all of it! Consider it as a "patience testing" exercise! It works really, I have tried it!

So the next time you come across any SPFA, here's what you can do -

1. Smile all the time while you are listening! (It costs you nothing! Now-a-days, people really smile like it's a perishable good and needs to be used only during emergency!)
2. Relate what can be helpful and register, ignore the rest! (To help you ease the latter process say this phrase in your mind - "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!")
3. After the lecture is over, just say "Thanks for informing me this, I will definitely think about it!". And that's it. Nothing more! It is tough, but trust me, NOTHING MORE!!!
4. Find an immediate excuse to move away! 

You will feel the steam blowing off your head, once you are away from that person! The feeling of not having to see him/ her for another lecture anytime soon is so energizing!! And thus, peace of mind is restored!

Photogradzila!

"A picture is worth a thousand words!" - Napoleon Bonaparte! A beautiful phrase dated at least two centuries ago, describes a picture best even today! Back then, there were only artists who were responsible for capturing those special thousand words! The introduction of camera happened only in the 1800s. Using a camera was a rarity until the digital cameras came in the late 1900s. Even before the 'digi-cams' became popular, phones with built in cameras were introduced. And with the introduction of "Smart Phones", the entire concept of "Photography" has reached a point that requires an alteration.

Photography was once a skill mastered by only a few! They were glamorous highly paid artists pertaining to only a few fields like press or royal families coverage! These artists were only afforded by the rich class and in those times, owning a camera was a social prestige issue. Today its exactly the opposite. There is at least one self proclaimed photographer in every home! The cameras and softwares make the reasoning of "why a good picture is good" absolutely redundant. And what is more sad, is that, the drive for deep understanding of a subject before throwing lectures and theories seems to be dead!

In this way the massive use of cameras has rendered our lives with a humongous number of photos! We click and just look at them once or twice at the most. Later when our gadgets memories need to be emptied, we get rid of them on our computers. If you are one of the organized person, you will make an effort to sort them, but mostly will have forgotten the context of those photos. And if you do recall, you are definitely late in printing or uploading them! If you are not an organized person, you will simply erase them when your computer memory becomes full. All this put together, the actual life of photos today is not more than five minutes! Of course you do increase the life of a few photos by uploading them on social networking sites, but honestly, that is a different topic altogether! Lets keep it for a different post and not digress.

Photography is turning into some shallow hobby of people who can spend on expensive gadgets. Photos are becoming the means to show off rather than the means to record special memories. And photography as a subject seems to be a topic anyone can talk for days on end! Its hard to find someone accepting that they have limited or no knowledge of photography now a days. If not anyone else, I am sure the photos would definitely tell "please learn photography first" from those thousand words!

How do you take your Coffee?

There is practically no one who can say, "I have never been disappointed with my hot stimulant!" You can only eventually reach that perfect match! (Disclaimer - no pun intended!)

How many times have you ordered the wrong coffee because you didn't know how it's made?? Or worse, how many times you went wrong in making that perfect cup of coffee you loved at your favorite coffee shop??

Thanks to a promotion by 'Kitchenware Superstore' you can pick your perfect cuppa!! They have given the basic types of coffees, how they are made and thankfully how they are spelled. 

It's not only a good marketing gimmick, but a very needed educative literature on Coffee! Ever since Chain of Big Coffee Outlets have become popular in Indian cities, people find something terribly glamours about it. It's incomprehensible how people can talk so much over a drink they can't even spell right! Hearing an "EXpresso" or "Cafe ou Late" is so very nerve shattering that you might as well take alcohol to recover!

Do try out your perfect one and let me know how you take your coffee!! 

Doctor's Curse

Doctors have a very predictable response mechanism! As per their preference the chronology may differ, but by and large this trio features in every visit. Pediatricians blow these out of proportion and Homeopathy doctors are exact opposite!

1. Be brief! (Hello, I am not even half way through my description!)
2. Don't be so worried! (I am not worried, I want to know if I need to worry!)
3. Stop panicking! This happens when you have ---. (How would I know? You are the doctor not me! At least tell me the list of symptoms and then ask me not to panic!)

The list goes on digressing to your personality, to life style, to your profession and what not... Honestly, before you begin to lose it, I would suggest bring your focus back on the reason you visited the doctor. 

Experience is the best teacher and given my history with doctors, I consider myself to have enough first hand experiences to derive this theory! (This happens when you have inherited chronic diseases.) Doctors seem to be averse toward soft skills. Their ability to diagnose is inversely proportional to their way of communication. Better diagnosis has to come with utter ruthlessness! So if you see yourself getting annoyed at the way a doctor is responding, have patience, he is probably the best one you could ask for! It is better to bare this in mind while visiting doctors in India! 

Feed - in and out

Breast feeding your baby is one of the overtly glorified feature of motherhood in our society! It's like if you don't breast feed, your entire motherhood is failed! I was brain washed about breast feeding my baby even before I had my baby. The big family and extended family that I have, seemed little for this purpose, so even a Breast Feeding Expert was enrolled in my motherhood! Honestly, I never knew something as basic and instinctive as breast feeding needed experts. Due respect to their profession and also the need of it to the society, but I certainly didn't need one in my life. I can say this blatantly because her involvement did rather bad to me than any good!

My breast feeding case in a nut shell would be something like this - The latching of baby - the very first step of breast feeding and establishing the process happened while I was in the hospital. This was within first 3 days of my baby's birth. My baby was on complete breast feeding for 20 days. After that, till he turned 2 months old he was on partial breast feeding along with the formula. He completely stopped breast feed when he turned 2.5 months old. I had scanty flow right from the day one. It showed on my baby as he had weight loss and hence we had to introduce top feed.

Now why am I so keen on sharing this? Simply because there is nothing wrong if you feed your baby for a little time. In fact, now I feel even if you are unable to feed your baby due to any reasons, there is nothing wrong with you, your baby and the quality of your motherhood! Since I got carried away in this social pressure and the breast feeding expert, I have had miserable 3 months of my early motherhood and I wish to save other new mothers from this!

So here's what I wish to reinstate and confirm with all those new mothers who are struggling with the pressures around breast feeding. Few myths that I had heard and caused me frustration. But when I clarified them in the way below, I recovered real fast!

1. Babies who don't get breast feed become addicts and have relationship problems with their mothers when they grow up. If this was even close to being true, almost alternate person I know, including myself would have landed up in a rehabilitation center and be a mother hater! 
2. Babies get nutrition only and only through breast feeding! Seriously?? I mean, seriously? I am not even going to attempt to explain why this is not true! 
3. Mothers who breast feed their children are actually true mothers in the eyes of nature! Yeah right! You have to breast feed to prove that you are a mother! 
4. You are so ambitious that it over powers your mother's instincts! Great! How is it that you didn't realize that becoming a mother comes before breastfeeding, and that, I chose to become a mother?

And there have been numerous ridiculous statements not even worth mentioning that came my way. In every sense of the term they ruined my entire experience of breastfeeding! I may have been able to feed more had I not experienced this stupidity. What happened is in the past and I am more than willing to accept that all meant good! But those of you who are going to go through this phase or are in this phase, please don't fall in the trap I did! Now let me make it very clear that I am not contesting breastfeeding to be good for the baby. But that is not the end of it all! There is much more to motherhood than breastfeeding. Those mothers who can feed up to 6 months or more are not superlative, neither they are perfect in parenting! I have all the respect for them and the same respect for the mothers who didn't feed longer or at all! So my mantra in closing is this, if you have enough milk, enjoy being the mother dairy... If you don't, enjoy being the mother who provides the dairy! In the end all that matters is that you are the mother! 

Life Saver in your Hospital Bag

As cliched as it may sound, your hospital bag packed well in time is a LIFE SAVER!! Having everything on the right time is more important than having everything ready. And only when you are ready, you will have everything just in time when you need it. I had my bags packed during my 7th month into pregnancy. Also I kept them in a corner where everyone could see but they never got in anyone's way. I went into labor two weeks prior to my due date and woke up everyone literally in the middle of the night. All my family had to do, is pick up the two bags, tuck me and bags in the car and drive! Now you know why I propagate making lists and plans and be ready well before time? To be ready which helped me, I am sharing the two lists that made my hospital bags. As for the right time - Best of all wishes for the new adventure! :-)

Mother’s Hospital Bag Check List

1.      Hospitals previous reports & file

2.      SOS medicine kit (if applicable)

3.      Sanitary Napkins – 2 packets

4.      Undergarments – min 4 sets

5.      Breast pads (disposable) – 2 packets

6.      Toiletries:-

a.      Soap & Shampoo

b.      Comb

c.       Hair bands

d.      Tooth brush

e.      Tooth paste

f.        Deo

g.      Talc 

h.      Lip balm & Body lotion

i.        Nail cutter & scissors

7.      Towel

8.      Napkins

9.      Slippers

10.  Mint

11.  Gowns/ long t-shirts (lose and comfy stuff)

12.  Detergent

13.  Breast pump

14.  Blanket (your daily using one)

15.  Tissue papers

16.  Disposable glasses + spoon + plate + tray

17.  Camera with sufficient memory and charger set

18.  Small bottle of Dettol

19.  Hand Sanitizer 

20.  One going home dress

21.  Jaket/ Stole or anything to keep warm

Baby’s Hospital Bag Check List

1.      Soft linen/ hosiery diapers – 2 dozen

2.      Safety nappy pins – 4 nos.

3.      Nappy sacks/ Plastic bags Small Size – 1 packets

4.      Wet wipes

5.      Soft linen spread sheets – 2 nos. each for bath [made from old sarees or dupattas]

6.      Soft linen sheets – min 15 nos.

7.      Baby tops (Vests) – 6 each

8.      Baby Dusting Powder & Puff

9.      Spoon & steel katori (4 each)

10.  Baby wraps 4

11.  Neck support pillow 1

12.  Disposable Diaper size ‘0' or 'NB'

13.  Quick dry sheets Small – 4 nos.

14.  Car seat

15.  A going home dress and cuddler

* Do not forget to keep your family informed about your Hospital and Doctor's numbers to call in case of such emergencies.